Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
