So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
