Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
