thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
