We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
