I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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