med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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