I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
