I look better un-naked...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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