I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Life is so much better after having sex.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
