I hate your face
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
