we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Every concussion has its silver lining
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
