I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
