when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I AM VODKA MAN
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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