I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
