i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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