If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
