He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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