woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
