I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
