god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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