So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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