She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
