loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
