Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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