she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
