Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
