I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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