Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
