I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
