If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
