I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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