I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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