i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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