apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
