At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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