Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
