Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the liver wants what the liver wants
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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