dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
