remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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