Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
