Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
