I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Houston, we have a blender
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
