I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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