I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How does one acquire holy water?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
