I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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