why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
