My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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