i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
