Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
