Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
