One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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