I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
