We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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